


Mutually Good Enough

by saruma_aki



Series: Coldflash Week 2017 A [6]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Barry, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Coldflash Week 2017, Corny, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Emotional Hurt, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Leonard Snart, I mean, I'm Bad At Tagging, Idiots in Love, M/M, Romance, Tumblr: coldflashweek, but it ended up so cheesy, coldflash - Freeform, coldflashweek2017a, so fluffy ohmygod, there's angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 15:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10620000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saruma_aki/pseuds/saruma_aki
Summary: Barry didn't know how he hadn't noticed.Leonard didn't really know either.But it was what it was and neither one of them would change a thing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Day Six of Coldflash Week 2017 in April.
> 
> Prompt: Pining/Confession
> 
> Um, so this is one of my favorite ideas.
> 
> Enjoy!

Barry hadn’t ever been any good with emotions and feelings.

He would certainly say he was better than Joe in some aspects, but, honestly, he felt like he was worse than the man at points. Feelings and Barry just didn’t mix well. It just wasn’t done. And yet, here he was, trying to run away from the things he was feeling, but even the fastest man alive—for the time being, anyway—couldn’t run away from the dreadful emotions that kept making his heart stutter and his cheeks flush.

And the source of his feelings was the one person he should probably not feel anything for, but of course he did because his luck sucked sometimes and made him fall in love with criminals with heart wrenching pasts and hearts of gold that they locked away due to said heart wrenching past.

Fuck Leonard Snart—fuck him so much.

That sounded like a good plan.

And he knew exactly how he wanted to do it, too—knew the lighting he wanted, the location.

He skidded to a halt at the shore of the river he had ended up by, shaking his head and trying to erase such thoughts from his brain.

He knew this wouldn’t be a problem typically. Barry was used to unrequited crushes—it literally spelled out his school career in its entirety. However, those had been absolutely unrequited. This one had a chance being maybe, possibly, hopefully, requited. And he guessed it was that small potential for success that had him so wound up in his feelings as they strengthened every time he saw deep blue eyes hidden behind equally blue goggles, and long legs that seemed to go on for miles.

Seriously, it was so bad he couldn’t see anyone wearing a blue coat—it didn’t even have to specifically be a parka—without thinking of Leonard.

Sighing dejectedly, he rubbed at his eyes in irritation, wishing he could stomp these feelings down, but he knew that there was a connection between them, some sort of bond, energy—‘a red string of fate’ if he was feeling particularly cheesy that day. And it was an utter nightmare to face Leonard every time and literally be unable to function as he was expected to the second the man said anything slightly suggestive.

The last time they had sat down and played a game of ‘go fish’ while waiting for the cops to show up before Barry, like the gentleman he was, sped Leonard home before he could be caught.

No one was very impressed with Barry that day.

But he couldn’t have cared less because Leonard had let him hold his hand—Barry was seventy-three percent sure the man just hadn’t noticed—and he had been on cloud nine. At least, right up until he woke up the next day and realized that he had literally assisted a robbery and didn’t even bother to arrest the guy.

His luck honestly sucked.

 

 

 

Sleeping was the greatest thing man had ever discovered, Leonard decided every single morning as he rolled out of bed simply to drink a glass of freshly squeezed lemon juice and eat some toast before slinking back to bury himself under the covers and not emerge until lunch time.

Sleeping not only was something he loved doing because he used to get so little of it, but it was also an excellent escape from memories, socializing, and feelings. And those were all the things Leonard sought to avoid on a day to day basis.

The one he hated the least had to be feelings. He dealt with feelings often, typically dealing with pushing them down into the deepest parts of himself so that they would never again see the light of day until whatever inspired said feelings came up again. He did that a lot when it came to any feelings regarding Lewis.

He was pretty sure if there was an Olympic event for pushing down your feelings he would get gold every time.

But the feelings he had now weren’t towards Lewis and weren’t towards something depressing or irritating. They were towards a certain speedster he enjoyed spending time with and who looked at him like he could actually make something of himself instead of continuing with the same routine of making a fortune by taking things that most assuredly were not his.

Which was nice in thought, but it did nothing more than make Leonard kind of feel like crying—or sleeping a lot more—because he knew, from experience, that it wasn’t possible. There was no future for him other than this. He supposed he could stop—he had enough money by now to never be worried about funds even after he was six feet under—but then he would have nothing to do, nothing to keep him from staying in bed all day and only emerging to eat and use the facilities.

And then Mick and Lisa would drift away, too, because Mick loved this life more than Leonard did—Leonard really enjoyed the adrenaline, but that was about it, whereas Mick loved every part of it—and he barely saw Lisa as it was because he wanted her to have her pick of any path she wanted.

And then he wouldn’t see Barry anymore.

It was a stupidly sentimental thought, but it made his insides churn all the same. It was weird, if Leonard was being honest with himself, feeling something so strong for someone he knew he couldn’t have—and it wasn’t even for lack of interest on the other side.

He simply wasn’t good enough for Barry, would never be good enough. He was a criminal who spent all his free time sleeping or bumbling about his apartment in complete silence and didn’t really leave unless he had a heist to do or Mick or Lisa came and dragged him out. He was someone who couldn’t even get into bed with someone with the intention of doing anything sexual without being absolutely useless afterwards as he struggled to reboot his mind and not lose himself in memories he preferred to keep locked away—he needed to be with someone for years in order to be fine afterwards, although he could engage in the activity before that, and who the hell would wait years just to have him react like a normal human afterwards? He was someone whose very skin was a turn off to others and himself, who kept every part of himself covered most of the time because it was better than seeing ‘whore’ etched into his side.

Whatever it was that Barry saw in him wouldn’t be enough to make the speedster stay, it wouldn’t even be enough to reel him in for one night. Whatever it was didn’t make Leonard good enough to receive Barry’s affections—not even if he spent the rest of his life living like a monk. He just wouldn’t be good enough.

And it wasn’t even some ridiculous pessimistic thinking that made him think like this. It was simple fact. Barry was good and kind and tried his damnedest to remain so even if sometimes he messed up. Leonard didn’t even bother trying. He simply shrugged his shoulders and did what he was originally planning to do anyway without regard for how it would make others feel.

He wasn’t in the world for making it easier for other people. He was in the world to try and get by, to try and find something that would make him get out of bed and out of the apartment even if it was for something like stealing.

He had been raised on that, had seen worse than what he ever dealt out and had experienced worse personally. He considered himself justified and felt people should just be happy he was into stealing and not killing all will-nilly for no reason, felt they should be happy that he wasn’t doing to them what had been done to him.

And it was this very way of thinking that let Leonard know that he truly was never going to be good enough for the scarlet speedster.

Whatever good Barry saw in him was a figment of the male’s imagination because Leonard sure as hell didn’t see it and felt pretty certain that he’d never see it.

Besides, he thought idly as he slipped back under the covers, curling into the comfort of his mattress, life had never been fond of giving him what he wanted anyway. Now shouldn’t be any different.

 

 

 

This was actually becoming a problem, Barry decided, as he stood awkwardly beside Snart, both of them looking determinedly at spots on the wall, refusing to meet each others’ gaze. It was kind of ridiculous, but Barry couldn’t help it.

After the last time he had tried to capture Snart and ended up playing cards with him instead, he was determined not to mess up in such a way this time. However, it seemed a lot harder to do that suddenly when all he wanted to do was just sit and talk to the guy, get to know him more—preferably in a location that wasn’t a crime site.

“You wanna go grab something to eat,” Barry finally said, cursing himself internally as that was totally not what he wanted to say, but he was already turning his head and meeting the thinly veiled expression of surprise on Leonard’s face.

“Uh, sure,” the male shrugged, casting a small look around him. The place wasn’t even damaged and it was hard to even tell something was amiss until you look at the distinctly missing pair of earrings in one of the cases.

“Great,” Barry nodded starting to head to the exit, wondering what the hell it was he was doing. He was pretty sure this was not how he was supposed to make up for playing cards with the guy last time instead of capturing him, but he was a bit busy being elated that Leonard had even said yes to the sudden invitation. “What do you want to eat?” He could hear Leonard’s steps behind him and he turned to look at him, holding the door open for the guy.

“There’s a really good Chinese restaurant about three blocks down that’s open this late,” Leonard suggested, immediately turning to head in that direction and Barry nodded, following along, still wondering what the hell it was that he was doing.

 

 

 

The next morning when he woke up to Joe literally dragging him out of bed and giving him a pointed look as he blearily blinked up at him from his position on the floor whilst rubbing his head, he knew exactly what Joe was mad about.

Problem was—he didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty.

 

 

 

“Let’s go out and eat,” Barry chirped down the phone and Leonard’s brow furrowed, burying his face further into his pillow, wondering what the hell was wrong with this kid.

“Where,” he mumbled, voice muffled, feeling like a lovesick teenager but at the same time he felt like the world’s worst person, taking advantage of Barry’s kindness to force himself out of the house once in a while. What kind of person did that? The kid obviously had genuine feelings for him—feelings Leonard reluctantly returned—but it wasn’t like anything could come from them, so what was he doing hanging out with him.

“There’s this great Mediterranean restaurant near Jitters that I’ve been dying to revisit. Are you up for it?”

“I will be in a second once I finish waking up,” he muttered, sluggishly dragging his body from the depths of his blankets to begin the arduous process of actually getting ready to function outside of the safety of his apartment.

“Shit, did I wake you up?”

“Nah,” he mumbled, slipping out of bed and padding to the bathroom. “Text me the address and I’ll meet you there in fifteen.”

“Alright,” came Barry’s cheery response and he sighed once the line went dead, trying not feel worse about himself as a person than he already did.

 

 

 

What were they doing, Barry couldn’t help but ask himself as he grabbed another handful of popcorn, dropping them one by one into his mouth, tilting his head to see the screen better and up so that he could feel the light scratch of Leonard’s fingernails against his scalp.

He, honestly, didn’t know anymore.

What had started as a simple desire to get to know the man and maybe get into a relationship with him had escalated to spending bordering on practically every day of the week with the guy at some point during each day. They had gone out to eat together several times, had gone to the movies together, on one memorable occasion they went to an amusement park—where Barry learned that Leonard had a strong dislike for roller coasters due to their lack of fluidity and how they would jerk him around in his seat. And now they were visiting each others’ places.

Barry now had a key to Leonard’s apartment. A fucking key! That was how bad this had gotten. But he couldn’t find it in himself to be worried or guilty.

He liked Leonard, enjoyed spending time with him, thought he was funny and humble in an odd way, thought his nerdiness matched beautifully with Barry’s own, thought the way he laughed was absolutely heart-warming and his smile mesmerizing, thought every new bit of information he learned about Leonard—be it about his past or just him as a person—was something to be treasured.

How was he supposed to feel guilty for liking a guy who seemed so utterly perfect for him?

He was still pondering over this by the time he had to leave and he was talking to Leonard about the movie and the plot errors, supporting himself on the open door as he talked, gesturing wildly as he straightened so he could actually balance.

“Thanks for having me over,” he finally said and he wondered why the hell it took him so long to even get to that. Was he so desperate to stay in Leonard’s company that he was stalling? He wouldn’t put it past himself. He was fairly certain that was exactly what he was doing and didn’t feel an ounce of shame for doing so.

“No problem,” Leonard responded, looking vaguely awkward where he was standing, a combination of sleepy and energized that made him look a bit like he had just woken up and was trying to react at the same speed his mind was going at, but unable to.

Barry wasn’t the least bit ashamed to admit he thought it was adorable.

“See you around,” Leonard mumbled and Barry nodded with a soft smile.

And then his world kind of stopped.

He felt a soft pressure on his lips before it was gone, but he could see the whole thing happening in slow motion in his mind. Leonard quickly leaning forward and pressing their lips together, just a soft brush, before he was pulling back and closing the door, all six locks clicking into place in quick succession.

Barry was a little bit ashamed about how long he stood there—it was really only three seconds, but felt like an eternity—before he reacted, brow furrowing and lips tingling as he stared the door down.

Like hell he was letting Leonard get away with doing that and then essentially slamming the door in his face. Letting out a slow breath, he let his body vibrate. He hadn’t done this since that one time with the truck, but he knew all of Leonard’s windows were locked and electrified at night and he was not risking electrocution—even though he knew it was a low voltage.

The odd feeling of phasing through an object seized him, made him forget about his goal for a moment, but then he remembered the second he saw Leonard carrying the mostly empty bowl of popcorn to the kitchen and he sped over, whirling Leonard around and crashing their lips together.

It was rougher than Barry intended and he knew he had caught Leonard by surprise—probably because Leonard didn’t know about that one ability, mainly because Barry forgot about its existence almost constantly—but then he felt the male sort of melt against him and he could feel the slight vibrations still running through him, like little happy cheers of success as Leonard’s lips moved against his, one hand burying itself in Barry’s hair, the other retaining its firm grip on the popcorn bowl.

 

 

 

If he was being honest with himself, he was pretty sure he and Leonard had been dating for the five months they had been hanging out and neither one of them had a clue.

But now they did, so it was all good.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry--I just love the whole idea of dating without knowing.
> 
> Feel free to drop by my instagram ( @saruma_aki ) which is for my fandoms and my works.
> 
> Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!


End file.
